The 5 Best and Most Overlooked Ways For Families to Take Better Care of Their Caregiver for FREE.

By Danny J Rosenthal

Being a caregiver is hard and often seemingly under appreciated work. Thanks to Hollywood, caregiving is seen as what an unemployable 22-year-old does when she has to get a job because her trust fund ran out of money. That is the actual premise of “Uptown Girls.” But that movie could not be further from the truth. Caregivers come in all shapes and sizes with a varying degree of experience. Many individuals are career nannies, meaning caregiving is their skill, expertise, and lifetime occupation. Unlike the movies, most nannies are not stepping out of the 9-5 work force to figure out their lives.

When it comes to parents, let’s face it, more often than not, parents do not realize hiring a nanny means they are now a boss. Many families get in before realizing the responsibilities they have as an employer and I don’t blame them, there is no one to tell them. This realization is not the easiest to come to and is hardly shameful. Families do need to educate themselves on the Schedule H form for taxes and to get an EIN from the government. For many this process is easier than figuring out Microsoft Excel and with resources like CareNectar available there are plenty of ways to learn everything there is to know without the fear of messing up.

The at-home caregiver industry is a mystery for most. Most often families and caregivers alike are left figuring it all out in a vacuum. Even when you think your nanny hire and boss skills are amazing, still, things slip through the cracks. It’s, of course, completely unintentional but because families rarely hone their skills and learn about how to be an executive, they settle with learning on the fly which leaves a lot for both parties to be desired. 

Like it or not, it is the employers that are left steering the ship. A family has all the control when it comes to their employer/employee relationship. All of this said, there are ways to a nanny’s heart and successfully perfecting your perfect fit. After all, you probably spent a lot of time finding the right fit and you don’t want to lose them. You probably want to keep them for as long as you can.

The rule of thumb for taking care of your caregiver is to think: what do you wish your boss would do for you? Everyone’s needs are different but good intentions and a few nice thoughts here and there go a long way.  Unfortunately, a lot of people feel their caregiver is beholden to them because they are paid. Paul McCartney said, “you can’t buy love,” but he left out that you can’t buy respect either. This is a partnership. 

I’ll be 100% transparent here…

1)   Communicate.

There is one overarching key to being a topnotch employer: maintain and keep the lines of communication open.

Transparency is my key to success when trying to keep an open-door policy. As a boss or a caregiver, you just want the truth. The honest, sometimes harsh but professionally spoken truth. It is the easiest to navigate. Anything less can manifest drama and, “aint nobody got time for that.” 

For caregivers, transparency means speaking up, saying you didn’t see it when your charge bumps their head on the playground. For parents transparency is sharing that you really appreciate it when your caregiver plans outings but that you would like for them to share what they and the children are doing and where they are going a few days before.

John Mayer may have said it best and most straightforward, in his song, “Say What You Need to Say” when he sang, “say what you need to say” over and over and over… it’s a bad song but you have to hand it to John, and I’ll be 100% transparent here, it is straight to the point and for the transparency lover I am, I give the song a B minus.

The more you share with your caregiver the more they will share with you and that is what you want.  Push through all those icky and uncomfortable moments when you have them, everyone does – this boss thing is new to all of us. Being transparent will get easier.

We caregivers don't hold this against the families either.

2)   Have Things Ready for Your Nanny Before Day One.

There is so much anticipation leading up to day one. 

Day one is go-time. This is not a test. It sets the tone for how your family and your nanny will interact. Set yourself up for success by setting your caregiver up for success, meaning, give them as much information as possible.

Similarly, to being transparent, you want to share but this is that deeper level. Your caregiver doesn’t know what they don’t know and when it comes to how you like things don’t, they have no clue until you tell them. Most people don’t realize every home is completely different, until you work for several families and you see first hand that everyone does their laundry differently. So, we can't hold this against them. This failing to hand over information even happens to families that are on their second caregiver because they forgot to write stuff down the first go around, and now they are needlessly repeating how to avoid all the stumbling from the first hire.

We caregivers don't hold this against the families either. You didn’t realize we would need to know you call a room the “family room” instead of a “living room.” That’s because it only matters when your caregiver is trying to turn on the lights but you have a smart home and Alexa won’t budge no matter how loud I shout, “turn on LIVING ROOM lights to 100%.”

Figuring out all the information you want to share is going to be a little tough but just start by writing down all of the nuances of your home as they come to you. The earlier you start thinking of this the more you will have figured out.

EXAMPLE:

•  What are the rules of the house?

• What are your expectations for your children?

• Who are the emergency contacts?

• What is the daily schedule?

• If you live in a building, what button do you press to let people in the front door?

• What is the code to get in?

• Is your caregiver going to drive your car? If so, where do you keep your keys or will they get their own set?

There are mountains of information you can share with your nanny. The more the better. Take the next few days of your life to be cognizant of how you get things done, where belongings are kept. And be sure to share those insights only you know – like, “we say break time instead of time out,” or, “In our home stupid is the s-word so please replace it with silly,” and jot those answers down.

There is so much parents don’t see and what they do see might not be the best indication of how great their nanny really is.  

3)   Appreciation.

A “thank you” at the end of the day goes so far and it is absolutely free to give your caregiver. There is so much that the adults of the family don’t see, that’s just part of it; that is why you needed to hire a caregiver. Chances are that your nanny is working really hard all day but you will only see a teensy-weensy bit of that blood, sweat, and tears from them when you arrive home until you send your nanny home for the day.

I admit, it can be a letdown to come home only to see your nanny is less than energetic. We all think caregivers are supposed to be fun, energetic, and almost magical with their ability to play and tend to children all day. But mostly we come home to find the party is over, things have wind down, and there is a sense of calm. If those moments give you pause, remember, it probably wasn’t like that all day. A good caregiver is basically on their feet the entire day and unlike most jobs, nannies don’t get a break time (yes, they are probably still getting stuff done at nap time).

Back when I was the director of a day camp, I would remind my consolers to pump themselves up at parent pick up. Sure, they were run down by 3:00, but those 10 minutes were the only ones where the parents were really able to see their children interacting and having a blast with the counselors. I knew parents would assume the worst and that the staff was lazy, even though it was the first time these counselors sat down all day.

There is so much parents don’t see and what they do see might not be the best indication of how great their nanny really is.  

Say, “thank you,” at the end of the day whether you say it because you see how hard your caregiver works or if you say it because you see all the great attributes your caregiver brings to your home because your child smiles when you say their name. A good ‘thank you,” lets your caregiver know that you appreciate and acknowledge all the wonderful things they do to make sure your family has the best care. 

I’m sure you too would appreciate some understanding at work.

4)   Give Caregivers a Break.

Plain and simple, there are days when not everything gets done. It doesn’t mean your caregiver forgot, didn’t try, or didn’t care. Sometimes there just isn’t enough time in a day to get everything on a parent’s wish-list accomplished.

Hardly ever do days drag on for a child caregiver. Quite the opposite. The days run away, every activity making the day speed up. Wake up the children, make them breakfast, get them ready for school, drop them off, and all of that could be the first hour.

If you want something done, make sure there is enough time for your caregiver to get it done. The standard industry suggestion is to ask yourself, “would I have enough time to do ABC?”

The lesson is, being understanding is what makes a boss great. I’m sure you too would appreciate some understanding at work.  Even the best nanny is going to have an off day.

Now you understand why Mary Poppins was so anxious about taking a “Jolly Holly,” with Burt and the kids, she had things to do. You probably just thought she was uppity like I did before I became a nanny.

Whip out a sash, write boss of the year on it, put it on.

5)   When You Can, Let Your Nanny Leave Early.

Every house has Cinderella’s Pumpkin Syndrome. At the end of every day, just like Cinderella’s coach turned back into a pumpkin, your house becomes your sanctuary where you can let go and be yourself. For many, CPS happens when you want the last few stragglers from your party to go home. For homes that employ a nanny, it is when your nanny’s work day is over.  It is nice to chat for a few minutes, here and there, but the reality is you need your house to revert back from your nanny’s workplace to your humble abode.

Some days CPS begins early. Both adults of the house are home, dinner is made, the children want to eat, and if there isn’t anything left for your caregiver to tend to. Those are the times it is ok to send them home a little early.

Some people are penny pinchers, they want their money's worth and want their nanny to stay until the very last minute. I can sympathize with that concept but the heart of the matter is, do you cultivate a better work environment and stronger professional relationship with your caregiver, or do you want control?  

Next time you look around and see there is nothing for your caregiver to do, whip out a sash, write boss of the year on it, put it on, and send your nanny home a few minutes early. They will be tremendously grateful.

There is no one way to be a boss to your child caregiver. That’s part of what makes having a nanny so wonderful, your childcare is completely personalized for your family and you decide how it is done. Just like you, your caregiver is doing their best. A thank you or letting them leave a skosh early when there is nothing left for them to do will help to keep them happy and keep them around.

*This article is based on the Nanny ABCs Next Step Podcast, Episode 34: The 5 Best and Most Overlooked Ways For Families to Take Better Care of Their Caregiver for FREE.